It's day 21 of Happiness Happens month and today's happiness topic is 'satisfaction'.
I've had a huge long list of 'stuff I want to do when I'm off work in August' for months.
The list covers a myriad of tasks. The good the bad and the ugly. Little quick things and big yukky things. From 'phone so and so' to 'get my diet and exercise habits back in order'.
Its been just sort of sitting in my notebook down the side of the sofa leering at me, ready to pounce on me as soon as August arrived.
Which it obviously did a few weeks ago and I felt really under pressure and panicked that I wasn't going to get all, nay any of it done. And find time to actually relax and enjoy myself at the same time.
I felt like every time I sat still instead of rushing through the list I was just wasting time so wasn't really able to properly relax. And every time I got the list out it felt a bit hopeless and too much to tackle.
But I've noticed this week that lo and behold its actually all been slotting into place, slowly but surely.
The tasks are getting ticked off, or crossed off because I can no longer be bothered to do them. They felt important when I wrote them down but actually, there's more important/better things to do with my time.
And most importantly I feel relaxed and relieved, I'm enjoying myself and my time off. A big phew.
For example. My clothes had managed to tie themselves up into a big knotted heap in all my drawers and everything was a big mess. (Ahem, ok, I made the mess, the clothes didn't do it themselves). I never knew where anything was, bikinis in with woolly jumpers and dresses shoved in a heap with shoes. Whenever I found something I wanted to wear it it was all crumpled. I couldn't find half the things I knew I had somewhere. But one day I whacked on the radio, threw it all out onto the floor and put it all back again properly and neatly. Or threw it away.
Oh my goodness what a difference. Getting ready every morning is so quick, easy and stress free! The simple things :)
Every day I've made sure I've tackled one little corner of the list. Some days I've had the whole day spare so have launched head first into a big task. I even wrote "relax" and "have fun" on the list so when I took time to do that I still felt like I was doing something useful not lazy.
Doing nothing has always seemed lazy boring and a ' waste of time' to me so I have to work extra hard to let myself do it. And enjoy it.
That said, nothing is more satisfying than getting stuff done. Putting effort into something and reaping the rewards. It's a really, well, satisfying type of happiness and so so much better than feeling the pressure of an as yet unstarted task or the regret of a wasted opportunity.
I'm glad I made the list to keep me focused but I wish I could learn to trust the process, trust that I will always find the time to do the things that need doing and dump the ones that don't instead of worrying and stressing about everything first.
But most of all, after a day spent first at the gym (tick), eating well (tick) and then in the garden (tick) I'm very grateful to my mum and grandma for all their help, and very very satisfied with the results. Lovely.